This has been coming on for a while now. I need to reconnoiter. Maybe not just reconnoiter! I also need to rebuild. I'm torn down. Tired. I've lost my way--sorta.
I was disappointed in myself when I didn't do the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this year. I had one great day of inspiration and I didn't write any of it down. Then I tried to sign up and, since I've changed my email address, I'd have had to get a new ID, lose my history and all that. So, it just never happened.
And Carolyn--especially Carolyn!--is always so steady. I hate to let her down. But the clincher is, I'm letting myself down, too. And so I hope that if I go back to the well, I'll take a drink and be refreshed.
My faith has been doing lots of strange things of late. Sometimes I simply flow with inspiration and sometimes I feel like a dried up old prune. I'm just not writing much of anything right now. I visited Ron's blog this evening and found some soothing thoughtful posts and rested for a while. I can always find peace on Jim's blog, too. Derek is challenging intellectually, but always gives me that same sense of peace and goodness that I need so much right now. And I've taken up a little more interest in Via Crucis--Jon's blog. Jon makes me think that I really ought to be in Washington! Ron's close to there, too. And Brother John (but he hasn't got a blog, I don't think!) There must be something in the air up there. Washington is a great place--it is where my Dad built his boat and I spent several happy summers. These places are comforting and good, warm and friendly. I want to renew my old friendships, or refresh them.
One problem I have right now is that I can't do very much. Maybe tomorrow I can manage to write down the heart of what is weighing on my mind. Or maybe the day after. I think it is time to heal.
4 comments:
i think you are fully correct about resting a bit. it is with out question the tonic that brings healing to body, mind, and sprit! >o
Annie,
No guilt! It's not good for you. :)
You didn't let me down. One of these years NaNo is going to come at the wrong time for me too and I'm going to have to pass.
Over the years I have fought my thinking with the goal of making writing a non-stress activity. I believe I've won! I don't even let myself stress about submitting anymore. I do it when I feel like it.
There are a lot of things I wish I could do more or better. Writing is not one of those things, because I won't let it become one. I write for me and me only, most of the time to try to sort out what's in my head and heart. When I don't write, I get so out of sorts and everyone around me feels it too, so I have learned that carving out little bits of time for it--or sometimes huge hunks of time like now--serves us all well.
Now tomorrow if I have to earn food money writing, I'll have to change my thinking. But for now, it's my "blankie" and I like it that way.
So no guilt! I know you're with me in spirit. And if there's anything I can do to help you get back to the well, let me know. :)
Many hugs!!!
~C
Peter,
I'm so glad that you know where to find me! That way, if you have something very inspiring you want me to check out, you can point me to it. You challenge me, Peter. And that is a good thing.
Yes, I think resting is a good thing--get away from the push and pull and get back to God.
Your friend,
Annie
Sorry for the delay, Carolyn--I was interrupted last night and never got back to it.
You do a great job of encouraging. I don't want you to get discouraged.
I think what is significant is that I am letting myself down too. I am free to choose and my choice is to keep writing. But I'm not anyway. Doing things that feel good to me are good for me and so writing is good for me! I'm depressed, I've had more distractions than can be imagined and my ability to concentrate is almost nil! I haven't put a lot of pressure on myself or I seriously think I would be writing. LOL
Hugs,
Annie
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