Discernment:

Yesterday morning, I led the discussion for our DoK meeting again over our book, Seeking God: The Way of St. Benedict. This was the first time I actually had to do any leading because the group just took off on their own after the first question and discussed it without any help whatsoever from me. They're great! This time I actually did have to bring up each point, but again and enjoyably, they made it easy. I'm always so terrified beforehand! They always settle all my fears.

My priest gives me that look that says, "I wonder . . . " I know that he is still considering my extreme interest in monasticism. I have no idea where this leads. He has this way of being very still as though he is observing with his eyes but praying with his heart at the same time. It intrigues me. I want to say, "What are you thinking? What is your leading?"

In silence we discern the will of God, not quickly or hastily. Is this but a night's rest along the way or is it a new path? Where do I go from here? What do I learn from those around me and their responses to me? If he asked me what my greatest concerns are--which he doesn't do and I assume that is because he sees my personality and doesn't need to--I'd have to say that it is that I love people and I love talking to people. And then he might say, "Perhaps your path is more interactive . . . " And I might agree.

On another note, even after such a glorious morning, I still fell prey to anger and frustration again over somebody telling me that our Lord never told us to fast! Well that was the first blow. It sent me on a terrible tangent! I am so ashamed.